Cambodia - Part 14

Wenesday 1st of August 2007

It is always darkest before the dawn.

I have had some sudden clarity of thought in the last week and I am feeling excited and motivated again. One might even say I was electrified. I was talking to Shin about the situation at work, about how bored and frustrated I had been feeling. He just said ‘Dude, you just have to make your own work.’ And all of a sudden that I realised a few things – That I already knew what I wanted to achieve while I was here; In focusing on achieving this I would alleviate the boredom and frustration I had been feeling; By attempting to achieve it I would bring a fresh focus and purpose for my time in Cambodia; I could leave a positive sustainable impact on the people in Kampong Thom; My goal was achievable – I have the skills and the ability to implement my idea.

Shin’s off the cuff comment had lifted the veil for me – I could see it all clearly. In my frustration and boredom I had lost sight of the purpose and vision I had when I arrived. Again, you worst enemy is yourself.

But first I would have to make a few big decisions in my own life - I would have to quit the job waiting for me back home and extend my stay in Cambodia.

Some of the first things that struck me about the NGO situation in Cambodia were the lack of sustainability in the programs and the lack of coordination amongst local NGOs. It was also an irritant to me that the big donors based outside Cambodia were dictating the terms of projects – what was deemed to be important and what would get funding.

I have decided to try and turn all this on its head with what I am calling a ‘sustainable communities’ project. I am going to try and empower the local communities to take ownership of the development process and drive change from the grass roots up. I am going to do this by providing them with the skills to create and achieve realistic community plans.

I have had this idea floating around in my head for some months. However, while I thought the concept was good and could make a significant impact, there was simply not enough time for me to understand the context, develop the idea, secure funding, develop training plans and ensure the capacity of the organisation was up to the task within six months. I was hoping that my organisation might have taken up the ball on this issue, but they don’t really have a thorough understanding of the subject. It needs someone like me to drive it, until it is off the ground. And so, I have decided to stick around and do just that.

I am really passionate about giving people an opportunity, ensuring access and social justice. So this project is right up my alley. I believe strongly in the role of community, have faith in their ability of people to make positive change for themselves and to hold their representatives accountable. To me, a healthy functioning community can work together to achieve great things. No political system, no matter how corrupt or inefficient, can stop the tide of change from an organised, active and dedicated community (I was always partial to revolutionary ideas). Sometimes they just need a bit of a helping hand to coordinate and organise.

I know I can achieve my goal and a really positive outcome from my assignment.

I don’t know what I was expecting when I got to Cambodia. I remember thinking that I should try and reserve judgement and just go with the flow. But I must have had some expectations, because I was quite taken back when I understood just how far behind they were in many ways. I was particularly concerned about the level of understanding of democratic processes (kinda dumb now – considering I had read about the statistics on the rates of illiteracy and poverty) and this threw me. I had no idea how I was meant to develop the capacity of a community who didn’t really understand voting, let alone concepts like ‘sustainable community planning’.

But over the last few months working with MODE, talking to people and going out into the field I have come to understand the Khmer culture much better and also the issues that they face. I think I can structure a program that is effective and builds on existing social networks.

I don’t want to come to Cambodia for six months, mess about a little bit, and then head home. This would be unfulfilling. I have the opportunity to make a change for the better in the world and I intend to pursue it. My dad always told me ‘never to leave a job half done’ and I am not going to (if I can help it).

So I have decided to stay on Cambodia for at least the next nine months (probably a year). This means I have to quit my job back home. My safety net is gone. For the first time since I was thirteen I am technically unemployed. It feels liberating. I have the whole world before me.

This has also got me thinking about my future. It is possible to do good while being paid well. There is stacks of development work out there - so many opportunities to do good things, live in different countries, be challenged by new experience and also get paid. I am starting to think this might be a new career possibility for me – well for the next few years…

But enough ranting about saving the world.

This week has been quite busy. I have been furiously putting together a project proposal to sell my idea to my boss and other local NGOs who I want to get on board with my project.

Last night was a strange night in Kampong Thom. Hillsong came to town. There was a big Christian concert at the ‘stadium’ (read soccer field with a fence). Shin and I went down to check it out. On our approach we saw a shaft of white light beaming down from the clouds which made it look like god himself was endorsing the performance, shining on the performers. But I knew better – smoke and mirrors, smoke and mirrors. As we got close it was clear that everyone in Kampong Thom had turned up for the event. It was like Pearl Jam was in town (am I showing my age with comments like that?). People were all over the road. The traffic had come to a stand still (the stadium is on the main road) and a clearly frustrated Police man on rammed the crowd back with his lurching motorbike. Thankfully he missed me, but he took down a couple of other people nearby us. Along the road side there were little festival games lining the outside of the stadium wall; young guys trying to win stuffed bears and bed linen for their girlfriends by throwing darts at balloons. Shin and I had a go and won three packets of biscuits. What a booty! But we felt guilty and gave them to some hungry looking kids. I managed to sneak a peek into the stadium (I could see clearly over the crowd) and saw a dark sea of people before a lit up stage. Just at that moment they stopped the Khmer music, which had been beating constantly since we arrived, and some guy with an acoustic guitar started singing about god in English. The sea turned and fled. I was pushed back by all the Khmers existing the stadium. We decided to make a break too. Grabbed the moto and carefully negotiated our way out of the crowd, both of us amused by the sudden turn in the crowd and idle trucks. You can take a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

The whole Christian evangelic movement is big here. It is hard to go anywhere without bumping into some middle class white person trying to sell their god. I don’t particularly have a problem with religion; I was a practicing Catholic until my mid-twenties and I would still consider myself Catholic. I believe strongly in spirituality and my spirituality is closely tied to Christian concepts. Love of god and love of neighbour – love yourself and love each other. But I think it is a real personal journey and I hate it when anyone tries to force any opinion or view on another person. Since I have been here I have found the acts of many ‘Christian’ organisations quite challenging. I find it deplorable that some organisations target extremely poor, marginalised and desperate people and make them pray before they will provide them with help. Another group offers free English lessons, but the lessons are all centred on their gospel. Both, in my mind are most uncharitable and unchristian.

It makes me wonder what they hope to achieve. Are they just trying to up their numbers? A starving person is going to say what they have to so they can be fed.

About a month ago I had the further displeasure of hearing an American guy do a reading at church service. Lainie and I had gone to a mass held by her organisation in Poipet (they are a Christian organisation). This guy, an accountant who had been working in Thailand, got up in front of a congregation of almost all Khmer people and told them not to be ‘distracted by education’. It made me feel sick. I wanted to head butt him. Here was a middle class guy with a university education who wandered into Cambodia for a few days telling a group of people, most of whom probably didn’t finish primary school, probably didn't eat that day and who are either desperately poor or bordering on it, that education was bad for them. Grr.

That is not to say all Christians are bad. Some groups genuinely want to help other people and do really positive things for the poor and the needy – establishing homeless shelters, food security etc...

So right, I have been ranting a little. Apologies. I am a passionate little soul.

This weekend, I might be going to stay out on a farm with a couple of guys from work and tomorrow I am heading out to a remote village for a field visit. Am looking forward to both, but I will make sure I will take the mosquito repellent. Apparently there is a bit of malaria floating around…just what I need after dengue. I am also avoiding chicken at the moment – I heard that a large group of chickens died unexpectedly near town and the farmer just sold them. Of course I found this out the day I had eaten chicken for lunch. If I get any ‘flu-like’ symptoms I am scoffing the Tamiflu. To bird flu. Erin says no.

On ward and upward - to the stars...

By-e.