24th August 2007
I wanna live like common people…
This week a friend of mine, Louise, from my high school days came to stay for a few days. She decided to visit on her way to London where she plans to set herself up for a year or so…It was nice to get a visitor from back home. For someone to make the trek here and see what I have been up to. But at the same time it was quite strange – sitting on the bus with her from Siem Reap to Kampong Thom I started thinking about how she might see this place and I started noticing how shabby and undeveloped everything was - how so few houses had toilets, how few had electricity cables or water pipes leading to them, how many of them were nothing more than a grass huts on stilts sitting in the middle of stagnant ponds. She didn’t say anything of course. It was all in my own mind. I was seeing things I knew and had learnt over time - things that no one new to country would notice or consider. The romance of travelling in a strange and exotic place blurs out the lives of those that live behind those greying palm frond walls. You don’t think about the poverty, the hunger, the violence, the alcohol abuse until it confronts you in the street in the form of a terribly deformed beggar. But after a while, you even come to accept this.
Strange thing was, when we were growing up I use to think of Louise’s family as rich – they had a nice house that stood on the high ground of Bankstown with a clear view all the way to the city. It is stupid now I reflect on it. We both grew up in the same area. The disparity between the wealthy and poor of our area is nothing compared to the disparity of wealth between poor areas and rich or rich countries and poor countries.
So I have been thinking a lot about the rich and the poor - the haves and the have nots - of late. And I have been thinking about my own life and the good fortune that I have had.
I wonder if HECS was not an option if I would have ever gone to university and I wonder how I might have ended up if I had not. In many ways the university experience was good to me. It opened my mind and sated a desperate need in me to understand the world and my place in it. I relished in the studies of politics, history, philosophy and sociology. All the subjects that are bad for job prospects, but which are like fuel to the fire of a curious mind. I gradually grew and developed my own world view, started determining my own future and building the confidence to follow it. I think that ability. The ability to choice and determine your own future is such a powerful gift. A gift that, I hope, I can somehow share with others. With people who really need it.
I suspect if I hadn’t gone to university, if I hadn’t had those experiences I would have had a very different life. I would probably have ended up working in a manual job that I despised. Instead of turning my mind to learning and understanding, instead of opening my mind, I would probably have become angry and frustrated with the world - like so many other people who have intelligence but have no opportunity or no way of exploring their potential or determining their own lives. But worse still, I would probably have closed my mind. Who knows I may have turned to drugs or alcohol or even crime to try and feel that void, try to divert myself from myself. So many people I use to know held onto that anger and are still angry and did many of those things. They let it stifle their personal development and ended up life ruts. Sometimes I think - they chose that life, that it is their problem. But sometimes I also think that the world can be unfair and cruel. It can kick you hard when you are down, and that, for many people leads them to making poor choices.
Every person has the ability to be good or bad. Every person has the capacity to take a life and to give a life and to save a life (metaphorically and literally). We make small choices everyday to determine which side of the line we fall. Where we stand is determined by these actions. We can talk for hours about doing something or changing something, but that counts for nothing unless you act upon this. And these actions are what leads us through life and are the basis for how we deal with the challenges that life presents. Do we let it swallow us in a dark hour or do we fight on and make the most of the good when it comes to us? Do we let our insecurities let us become brittle and cruel, or do we learn from our mistakes, take it on the chin, and treat people with kindness and respect? Do we look for the good in people or the bad? Do we see the glass as half full or half empty? Do we hate or love?
For many Khmers it would be easy to hate. It would be real easy. But so many of them are positive and friendly - It is truly inspiring. In many ways, as many poor and oppressed people have done throughout history, they have accepted their lot. This is their life and they will make the most of it. They will laugh, smile, create and dream despite the hardship. Poverty, short life expectancy and corruption are merely a fact of life for them. Those that work to change this don’t expect massive things in a hurry, they realise that social change is a slow generational passage. They look to the future with hope.
For us this is unjust; this is unfair. But this is our perspective - we are bringing our ideals and expectations to the party. We know that there is a difference and we want to correct it. But to them this is just life. It is the life they know. It would seem then that justice is a luxury of the affluent.
In a strange way it reminds me a little of the left wing political movements that I was a involved with over the years. Many times I have been disillusioned by the many ‘socialists’ I have met who came from wealthy backgrounds, who would get on their high horse and berate about the rights of the workers and the poor. I would often think that it is very easy to fight the fight if daddy would come and bail you out after. Real poor people are too busy getting by. They have no security net. But that is the cynic in me - at least they were trying to do something good, to correct what they saw as wrong in the world.
I think that a lot of poor people have this nervous fear and insecurity in relation to money (duh!). An insecurity that sometimes inspires people to achieve great successes, but which often results in them turning on each other and seeking blame somewhere else. Too often it leads to anger and violence. I think this is as true at home as it is here. However, here there is not the same emphasis placed on material wealth. But I can see that slowly changing as the country gets richer and richer. But who could blame them? They see all these rich people with all these nice things flying into the country and visit a set of temples which represent a time when their peoples history where they were one of the richest and most powerful empires in the world while they scramble to make enough money in order to feed their families.
But the tables of turned. The grinding cycle of history pushed on and the empire crumbled. As all empires based on power and money eventually do. Power and money are not sustainable commodities. They inspire greed and envy. Two qualities nearly every religion in the world admonishes. Two qualities that destroy empires and people. They are often the ugly side of human nature. They are a bad choice for anyone to make – they stifle creativity, love and openness. But they are inherently human and we struggle with them every day.
They are also the reason why, I think, that communism movements failed – they tried to deny and ignore these qualities in people and ended up giving birth to, often repressive, dictatorships instead…it always struck me as strange how a political movement that sought to flatten power could so easily give itself to being abused by dictators, effectively recreating the oppressive hierarchy that they tried to dismantle Mussolini, for example, was a leader in the communist party before he become a fascist dictator.
Perhaps there are only two ways (or perhaps more correctly, two extremes on a spectrum) that we can interact as people – we can either all get together or come to consensus (i.e. participatory democracy) or we can give up decision making to another person (i.e. a hierarchy). Both systems have their merits in different circumstances. One, however, is inherently fairer. It allows for people to explore their potential, to live with dignity, to have a role in determining their own future and affecting the world around them. If they choose not be involved that is their choice. But the choice, I think, must be offered. But then again, I clearly have a vested interested in this stuff.
So the table have turned for me too. I am now I am one of the affluent person who believes in justice and is upset by the disparity between rich and poor. Perhaps, I am a chardonnay socialist. Here - I am rich. I am educated. I can rant about what I think. I can go home at the end of this. I get sick, they fly me to Bangkok. It is not really my fight. I feel an odd detachment sometimes. It is strange feeling. Don’t get me wrong – it gets me angry and it I am passionate about making a change. But I always have this at the back of my mind. In the long run change must come from the people themselves. I am just here to give them some ideas. And hopefully soon, there will be an opening, a point of access, like there was for me and their lives will change for the better, as they become more empowered and take control of their destiny.
sorry - I started ranting again. Will post something more travel like soon...
By-e.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Cambodia - Part 15
Wednesday 10th August 2007
Meanderings and other crap
Last week we had some people visit us from the Asian Health Institute. They are a Japanese based organisation who deals with, surprisingly, health issues across Asia. They primarily came to see the work that MODE was undertaking with Village Health Volunteer, People Living with HIV/AIDS and the Orphans and Vulnerable Children Programs.
Last Friday we took them out to San Dan, which is a bumpy 2 hours ride in the back tray of a 4WD north of Kampong Thom. It is fairly remote and the town only recently acquired a bridge so that it can accessed by road. It use to take a whole day in a slow putt-putt boat to get to San Dan from Kampong Thom. This week the river has risen, so the bridge is out of service (lucky we went when we did). Apparently, we can expect the river in Kampong Thom to do the same in the next few days – rumour has it that we are in some big floods this year, particularly for communities around Tonle Sap (the massive lake in the middle of Cambodia). The locals are worried that the floods will ruin the rice harvest…
But I digress.
On the way out to San Dan we went stopped at a place where the Japanese UN worker, Atsu Nagada, was killed by the Khmer Rouge during the first national elections in 1992. My counterpart, Nary, had worked for him and knew him quite well. She told me that when she first saw Shin she was quite taken back because he looks a lot like him. I got a cold shiver down my spine when we stopped at the place he was murdered. It is just a dirt road in the middle of a leafy little village, like so many others. Since his death they renamed the village ‘Atsu’ in his memory and there is a little monument. His son lives there now and carries on humanitarian aid work.
In San Dan, we went to a meeting of the village representatives, who were discussing the issues affecting the community, and visited one of the Village Health Volunteers post-natal classes. The class in a little wooden house and was packed with young women and children, and they showed them rather graphic cartoons of women giving birth and stuff on big laminated posters.
After that, we headed another hour out of San Dan to a forest community, in well, a forest. The village consisted of only about a dozen wooden huts and they met us in a school that the community had built. It was a really poor and bizarre. They told us that in order to build the school house that the whole village had to cut back on food, but they were clearly very proud of their achievements.
The single room school house had bare dirt floors and three rows of benches facing the front. It was dimly lit by the sun shining through the gaps in the wooden panels and the door. As usual, I had to sit up front, and the whole village, of about forty people, just stared at me. I think they thought I was a ghost. Outside the curious kids stuck there heads in the doorway to stare. Unnerved as I was by the staring, it struck me that something else was rather odd about this village. First, I realised that there were three distinct features that were repeated in every face (inbreeding me thinks) and, secondly, that there was no one in the room between the age of about 20 and 40.
Many of the people from poor rural areas migrate to the cities or the Thai border in search of better jobs and prospects. Some do well, but some end up being exploited as labourers in Thailand, many of the young girls get caught up in the sex trade…As we were leaving one of the few young women in the village came up and started screaming stuff (I assume it was directed mostly at me because it started after my boss asked if anyone had any questions for me). Everyone was laughing in an unsteady kind of way. And I backed away to the car. My counterpart said she couldn’t explain what she was saying, but not to worry cause she was just a bit crazy.
On a positive note, the forest was beautiful and it was fun going through it in a 4WD. We went through some deep rivers and across a number of muddy tracks. The forest was so thick with green trees and tendrils it was hard to see more than a few metres into it. There where a number of big clearing where timber thieves had been at work or where farmers had cleared land. I also got covered in dirt and mud. My white shirt was brown/orange by the time we got back.
On Saturday morning I went down to the ‘Happy Happy Children’ program at the local Watt. Katerina and Thomas, an Austrian couple working in Kampong Thom, have set a program to sponsor some of the children’s ongoing schooling and basic health, so they came along too. This time the kids learnt about the importance of exercise and keeping hydrated before they played for a bit and were given some food. It is always fun to play with the kids.
So it rained most of the weekend and I spent most of it curled up on my bed reading. Our fishing trip got cancelled because the guy’s boat had broken down and there was not other way of getting to the farm. So on the Saturday night Shin and I went to a 100 day funeral for the father of the friend of my friend Mab. The Buddhists (if they have money) have a funeral on the day of the death, 7 days later, 100 days later and 3 years later. Apparently this gives the soul to find a new mother who then falls pregnant shortly after. The funeral was pretty much like 
Christian ones, except there was no body. There are prays and then the men get drunk.
On Monday I headed out to Stoang, which is about half way between Kampong Thom and Siem Reap along the highway. It had been raining all weekend and on Monday it drizzled all day so the road and the piles of cow dung that littered the highway were moist. Some of the piles were massive – like someone had been making poo castles along the road. Anyhow, I discovered a useful, but disgusting fact about moist cow dung – if you hit it on your moto it will end up on your feet. Gross. Why didn’t I wear my boots? I am such a city boy.
Forgive me if the poo comments are a little crass. It is different over here – people are pretty open about such things. Most villagers don’t have a toilet. When I get together with the other volunteers we often talk stools. We have all been sick and had to manage embarrassing situations. But I must say I have become a major convert to the ‘bum hose’ (only western places have toilet paper). It is great for cleaning yourself and cleaning up afore said embarrassing situations.
On the topic of toilets – no one ever tells you how to use a squat toilet and it is not an easy subject to broach with a stranger. So here is a few pointers – first they are usually designed for you to face the back wall (not the door). Secondly, you have to commit fully to the squat – no half or three-quarter squats – if you don’t squat all the way otherwise you risk missing the toilet or, worse still, getting it on your clothes. Thirdly, after you finish your business you have to stay in afore mentioned squat position for a few well directed squirts from the bum hose – most of the water will drain quickly and, again, you won’t get it on your clothes. Lets call this – making gravy the easy way.
Again, I digress…
Out at Stoang I went to visited a centre where local women were making ‘kraamers’ – a traditional checked tea towel/scarf that Khmer people wear (especially it the villages). They are quite useful because they are quite light and can be used as a hat, sweat band, towel, scarf, mask, pants or even strapless dress. Much to my distress, Shin has been adopting the local custom of using one as a skirt on hot days around the house. I have made it clear, unlike the locals, he better be wearing underwear under it. I don’t want any little surprise peeks.
After that we went out to watch some villagers receive training on decentralisation and local governance. My Khmer must be improving because I understood quite a bit of what was happening. Then we headed out to a village where they weaved baskets. On the way there I had a moment when I thought I saw an elephant in the wild. I almost squealed in excitement. But when I got closer I realised it was just two fat grey buffalo and an ant hill. I was rather disappointed. The village where they made the baskets was quite far off the main road, and they were really poor. Even the head of the village wore rags, but they still insisted that I take a basket as a gift. I had to take it as to not offended them, but I felt guilty.
On the way back from the village we hit some really muddy roads. Usually in places like this there is little path that snakes between pot holes, thick orange mud and puddles, along the dry part of the road, compressed by other moto drivers. When someone comes the other way, you pull over and wait. But this road was so bad in parts that we had to get off and walk. The mud was at least ankle deep and for the second time that day I wished I had wore my boots.
Aside from my tours, my project is also coming together slowly. I had a few meetings this week and have revised my plan. It is going well so far.
I hope all is well back home.
Take care
By-e.
Meanderings and other crap
Last week we had some people visit us from the Asian Health Institute. They are a Japanese based organisation who deals with, surprisingly, health issues across Asia. They primarily came to see the work that MODE was undertaking with Village Health Volunteer, People Living with HIV/AIDS and the Orphans and Vulnerable Children Programs.
Last Friday we took them out to San Dan, which is a bumpy 2 hours ride in the back tray of a 4WD north of Kampong Thom. It is fairly remote and the town only recently acquired a bridge so that it can accessed by road. It use to take a whole day in a slow putt-putt boat to get to San Dan from Kampong Thom. This week the river has risen, so the bridge is out of service (lucky we went when we did). Apparently, we can expect the river in Kampong Thom to do the same in the next few days – rumour has it that we are in some big floods this year, particularly for communities around Tonle Sap (the massive lake in the middle of Cambodia). The locals are worried that the floods will ruin the rice harvest…
But I digress.
On the way out to San Dan we went stopped at a place where the Japanese UN worker, Atsu Nagada, was killed by the Khmer Rouge during the first national elections in 1992. My counterpart, Nary, had worked for him and knew him quite well. She told me that when she first saw Shin she was quite taken back because he looks a lot like him. I got a cold shiver down my spine when we stopped at the place he was murdered. It is just a dirt road in the middle of a leafy little village, like so many others. Since his death they renamed the village ‘Atsu’ in his memory and there is a little monument. His son lives there now and carries on humanitarian aid work.
In San Dan, we went to a meeting of the village representatives, who were discussing the issues affecting the community, and visited one of the Village Health Volunteers post-natal classes. The class in a little wooden house and was packed with young women and children, and they showed them rather graphic cartoons of women giving birth and stuff on big laminated posters.
After that, we headed another hour out of San Dan to a forest community, in well, a forest. The village consisted of only about a dozen wooden huts and they met us in a school that the community had built. It was a really poor and bizarre. They told us that in order to build the school house that the whole village had to cut back on food, but they were clearly very proud of their achievements.
The single room school house had bare dirt floors and three rows of benches facing the front. It was dimly lit by the sun shining through the gaps in the wooden panels and the door. As usual, I had to sit up front, and the whole village, of about forty people, just stared at me. I think they thought I was a ghost. Outside the curious kids stuck there heads in the doorway to stare. Unnerved as I was by the staring, it struck me that something else was rather odd about this village. First, I realised that there were three distinct features that were repeated in every face (inbreeding me thinks) and, secondly, that there was no one in the room between the age of about 20 and 40.
Many of the people from poor rural areas migrate to the cities or the Thai border in search of better jobs and prospects. Some do well, but some end up being exploited as labourers in Thailand, many of the young girls get caught up in the sex trade…As we were leaving one of the few young women in the village came up and started screaming stuff (I assume it was directed mostly at me because it started after my boss asked if anyone had any questions for me). Everyone was laughing in an unsteady kind of way. And I backed away to the car. My counterpart said she couldn’t explain what she was saying, but not to worry cause she was just a bit crazy.
On a positive note, the forest was beautiful and it was fun going through it in a 4WD. We went through some deep rivers and across a number of muddy tracks. The forest was so thick with green trees and tendrils it was hard to see more than a few metres into it. There where a number of big clearing where timber thieves had been at work or where farmers had cleared land. I also got covered in dirt and mud. My white shirt was brown/orange by the time we got back.
On Saturday morning I went down to the ‘Happy Happy Children’ program at the local Watt. Katerina and Thomas, an Austrian couple working in Kampong Thom, have set a program to sponsor some of the children’s ongoing schooling and basic health, so they came along too. This time the kids learnt about the importance of exercise and keeping hydrated before they played for a bit and were given some food. It is always fun to play with the kids.
So it rained most of the weekend and I spent most of it curled up on my bed reading. Our fishing trip got cancelled because the guy’s boat had broken down and there was not other way of getting to the farm. So on the Saturday night Shin and I went to a 100 day funeral for the father of the friend of my friend Mab. The Buddhists (if they have money) have a funeral on the day of the death, 7 days later, 100 days later and 3 years later. Apparently this gives the soul to find a new mother who then falls pregnant shortly after. The funeral was pretty much like 
Christian ones, except there was no body. There are prays and then the men get drunk.On Monday I headed out to Stoang, which is about half way between Kampong Thom and Siem Reap along the highway. It had been raining all weekend and on Monday it drizzled all day so the road and the piles of cow dung that littered the highway were moist. Some of the piles were massive – like someone had been making poo castles along the road. Anyhow, I discovered a useful, but disgusting fact about moist cow dung – if you hit it on your moto it will end up on your feet. Gross. Why didn’t I wear my boots? I am such a city boy.
Forgive me if the poo comments are a little crass. It is different over here – people are pretty open about such things. Most villagers don’t have a toilet. When I get together with the other volunteers we often talk stools. We have all been sick and had to manage embarrassing situations. But I must say I have become a major convert to the ‘bum hose’ (only western places have toilet paper). It is great for cleaning yourself and cleaning up afore said embarrassing situations.
On the topic of toilets – no one ever tells you how to use a squat toilet and it is not an easy subject to broach with a stranger. So here is a few pointers – first they are usually designed for you to face the back wall (not the door). Secondly, you have to commit fully to the squat – no half or three-quarter squats – if you don’t squat all the way otherwise you risk missing the toilet or, worse still, getting it on your clothes. Thirdly, after you finish your business you have to stay in afore mentioned squat position for a few well directed squirts from the bum hose – most of the water will drain quickly and, again, you won’t get it on your clothes. Lets call this – making gravy the easy way.
Again, I digress…
Out at Stoang I went to visited a centre where local women were making ‘kraamers’ – a traditional checked tea towel/scarf that Khmer people wear (especially it the villages). They are quite useful because they are quite light and can be used as a hat, sweat band, towel, scarf, mask, pants or even strapless dress. Much to my distress, Shin has been adopting the local custom of using one as a skirt on hot days around the house. I have made it clear, unlike the locals, he better be wearing underwear under it. I don’t want any little surprise peeks.
After that we went out to watch some villagers receive training on decentralisation and local governance. My Khmer must be improving because I understood quite a bit of what was happening. Then we headed out to a village where they weaved baskets. On the way there I had a moment when I thought I saw an elephant in the wild. I almost squealed in excitement. But when I got closer I realised it was just two fat grey buffalo and an ant hill. I was rather disappointed. The village where they made the baskets was quite far off the main road, and they were really poor. Even the head of the village wore rags, but they still insisted that I take a basket as a gift. I had to take it as to not offended them, but I felt guilty.
On the way back from the village we hit some really muddy roads. Usually in places like this there is little path that snakes between pot holes, thick orange mud and puddles, along the dry part of the road, compressed by other moto drivers. When someone comes the other way, you pull over and wait. But this road was so bad in parts that we had to get off and walk. The mud was at least ankle deep and for the second time that day I wished I had wore my boots.
Aside from my tours, my project is also coming together slowly. I had a few meetings this week and have revised my plan. It is going well so far.
I hope all is well back home.
Take care
By-e.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Cambodia - Part 14
Wenesday 1st of August 2007
It is always darkest before the dawn.
I have had some sudden clarity of thought in the last week and I am feeling excited and motivated again. One might even say I was electrified. I was talking to Shin about the situation at work, about how bored and frustrated I had been feeling. He just said ‘Dude, you just have to make your own work.’ And all of a sudden that I realised a few things – That I already knew what I wanted to achieve while I was here; In focusing on achieving this I would alleviate the boredom and frustration I had been feeling; By attempting to achieve it I would bring a fresh focus and purpose for my time in Cambodia; I could leave a positive sustainable impact on the people in Kampong Thom; My goal was achievable – I have the skills and the ability to implement my idea.
Shin’s off the cuff comment had lifted the veil for me – I could see it all clearly. In my frustration and boredom I had lost sight of the purpose and vision I had when I arrived. Again, you worst enemy is yourself.
But first I would have to make a few big decisions in my own life - I would have to quit the job waiting for me back home and extend my stay in Cambodia.
Some of the first things that struck me about the NGO situation in Cambodia were the lack of sustainability in the programs and the lack of coordination amongst local NGOs. It was also an irritant to me that the big donors based outside Cambodia were dictating the terms of projects – what was deemed to be important and what would get funding.
I have decided to try and turn all this on its head with what I am calling a ‘sustainable communities’ project. I am going to try and empower the local communities to take ownership of the development process and drive change from the grass roots up. I am going to do this by providing them with the skills to create and achieve realistic community plans.
I have had this idea floating around in my head for some months. However, while I thought the concept was good and could make a significant impact, there was simply not enough time for me to understand the context, develop the idea, secure funding, develop training plans and ensure the capacity of the organisation was up to the task within six months. I was hoping that my organisation might have taken up the ball on this issue, but they don’t really have a thorough understanding of the subject. It needs someone like me to drive it, until it is off the ground. And so, I have decided to stick around and do just that.
I am really passionate about giving people an opportunity, ensuring access and social justice. So this project is right up my alley. I believe strongly in the role of community, have faith in their ability of people to make positive change for themselves and to hold their representatives accountable. To me, a healthy functioning community can work together to achieve great things. No political system, no matter how corrupt or inefficient, can stop the tide of change from an organised, active and dedicated community (I was always partial to revolutionary ideas). Sometimes they just need a bit of a helping hand to coordinate and organise.
I know I can achieve my goal and a really positive outcome from my assignment.
I don’t know what I was expecting when I got to Cambodia. I remember thinking that I should try and reserve judgement and just go with the flow. But I must have had some expectations, because I was quite taken back when I understood just how far behind they were in many ways. I was particularly concerned about the level of understanding of democratic processes (kinda dumb now – considering I had read about the statistics on the rates of illiteracy and poverty) and this threw me. I had no idea how I was meant to develop the capacity of a community who didn’t really understand voting, let alone concepts like ‘sustainable community planning’.
But over the last few months working with MODE, talking to people and going out into the field I have come to understand the Khmer culture much better and also the issues that they face. I think I can structure a program that is effective and builds on existing social networks.
I don’t want to come to Cambodia for six months, mess about a little bit, and then head home. This would be unfulfilling. I have the opportunity to make a change for the better in the world and I intend to pursue it. My dad always told me ‘never to leave a job half done’ and I am not going to (if I can help it).
So I have decided to stay on Cambodia for at least the next nine months (probably a year). This means I have to quit my job back home. My safety net is gone. For the first time since I was thirteen I am technically unemployed. It feels liberating. I have the whole world before me.
This has also got me thinking about my future. It is possible to do good while being paid well. There is stacks of development work out there - so many opportunities to do good things, live in different countries, be challenged by new experience and also get paid. I am starting to think this might be a new career possibility for me – well for the next few years…
But enough ranting about saving the world.
This week has been quite busy. I have been furiously putting together a project proposal to sell my idea to my boss and other local NGOs who I want to get on board with my project.
Last night was a strange night in Kampong Thom. Hillsong came to town. There was a big Christian concert at the ‘stadium’ (read soccer field with a fence). Shin and I went down to check it out. On our approach we saw a shaft of white light beaming down from the clouds which made it look like god himself was endorsing the performance, shining on the performers. But I knew better – smoke and mirrors, smoke and mirrors. As we got close it was clear that everyone in Kampong Thom had turned up for the event. It was like Pearl Jam was in town (am I showing my age with comments like that?). People were all over the road. The traffic had come to a stand still (the stadium is on the main road) and a clearly frustrated Police man on rammed the crowd back with his lurching motorbike. Thankfully he missed me, but he took down a couple of other people nearby us. Along the road side there were little festival games lining the outside of the stadium wall; young guys trying to win stuffed bears and bed linen for their girlfriends by throwing darts at balloons. Shin and I had a go and won three packets of biscuits. What a booty! But we felt guilty and gave them to some hungry looking kids. I managed to sneak a peek into the stadium (I could see clearly over the crowd) and saw a dark sea of people before a lit up stage. Just at that moment they stopped the Khmer music, which had been beating constantly since we arrived, and some guy with an acoustic guitar started singing about god in English. The sea turned and fled. I was pushed back by all the Khmers existing the stadium. We decided to make a break too. Grabbed the moto and carefully negotiated our way out of the crowd, both of us amused by the sudden turn in the crowd and idle trucks. You can take a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.
The whole Christian evangelic movement is big here. It is hard to go anywhere without bumping into some middle class white person trying to sell their god. I don’t particularly have a problem with religion; I was a practicing Catholic until my mid-twenties and I would still consider myself Catholic. I believe strongly in spirituality and my spirituality is closely tied to Christian concepts. Love of god and love of neighbour – love yourself and love each other. But I think it is a real personal journey and I hate it when anyone tries to force any opinion or view on another person. Since I have been here I have found the acts of many ‘Christian’ organisations quite challenging. I find it deplorable that some organisations target extremely poor, marginalised and desperate people and make them pray before they will provide them with help. Another group offers free English lessons, but the lessons are all centred on their gospel. Both, in my mind are most uncharitable and unchristian.
It makes me wonder what they hope to achieve. Are they just trying to up their numbers? A starving person is going to say what they have to so they can be fed.
About a month ago I had the further displeasure of hearing an American guy do a reading at church service. Lainie and I had gone to a mass held by her organisation in Poipet (they are a Christian organisation). This guy, an accountant who had been working in Thailand, got up in front of a congregation of almost all Khmer people and told them not to be ‘distracted by education’. It made me feel sick. I wanted to head butt him. Here was a middle class guy with a university education who wandered into Cambodia for a few days telling a group of people, most of whom probably didn’t finish primary school, probably didn't eat that day and who are either desperately poor or bordering on it, that education was bad for them. Grr.
That is not to say all Christians are bad. Some groups genuinely want to help other people and do really positive things for the poor and the needy – establishing homeless shelters, food security etc...
So right, I have been ranting a little. Apologies. I am a passionate little soul.
This weekend, I might be going to stay out on a farm with a couple of guys from work and tomorrow I am heading out to a remote village for a field visit. Am looking forward to both, but I will make sure I will take the mosquito repellent. Apparently there is a bit of malaria floating around…just what I need after dengue. I am also avoiding chicken at the moment – I heard that a large group of chickens died unexpectedly near town and the farmer just sold them. Of course I found this out the day I had eaten chicken for lunch. If I get any ‘flu-like’ symptoms I am scoffing the Tamiflu. To bird flu. Erin says no.
On ward and upward - to the stars...
By-e.
It is always darkest before the dawn.
I have had some sudden clarity of thought in the last week and I am feeling excited and motivated again. One might even say I was electrified. I was talking to Shin about the situation at work, about how bored and frustrated I had been feeling. He just said ‘Dude, you just have to make your own work.’ And all of a sudden that I realised a few things – That I already knew what I wanted to achieve while I was here; In focusing on achieving this I would alleviate the boredom and frustration I had been feeling; By attempting to achieve it I would bring a fresh focus and purpose for my time in Cambodia; I could leave a positive sustainable impact on the people in Kampong Thom; My goal was achievable – I have the skills and the ability to implement my idea.
Shin’s off the cuff comment had lifted the veil for me – I could see it all clearly. In my frustration and boredom I had lost sight of the purpose and vision I had when I arrived. Again, you worst enemy is yourself.
But first I would have to make a few big decisions in my own life - I would have to quit the job waiting for me back home and extend my stay in Cambodia.
Some of the first things that struck me about the NGO situation in Cambodia were the lack of sustainability in the programs and the lack of coordination amongst local NGOs. It was also an irritant to me that the big donors based outside Cambodia were dictating the terms of projects – what was deemed to be important and what would get funding.
I have decided to try and turn all this on its head with what I am calling a ‘sustainable communities’ project. I am going to try and empower the local communities to take ownership of the development process and drive change from the grass roots up. I am going to do this by providing them with the skills to create and achieve realistic community plans.
I have had this idea floating around in my head for some months. However, while I thought the concept was good and could make a significant impact, there was simply not enough time for me to understand the context, develop the idea, secure funding, develop training plans and ensure the capacity of the organisation was up to the task within six months. I was hoping that my organisation might have taken up the ball on this issue, but they don’t really have a thorough understanding of the subject. It needs someone like me to drive it, until it is off the ground. And so, I have decided to stick around and do just that.
I am really passionate about giving people an opportunity, ensuring access and social justice. So this project is right up my alley. I believe strongly in the role of community, have faith in their ability of people to make positive change for themselves and to hold their representatives accountable. To me, a healthy functioning community can work together to achieve great things. No political system, no matter how corrupt or inefficient, can stop the tide of change from an organised, active and dedicated community (I was always partial to revolutionary ideas). Sometimes they just need a bit of a helping hand to coordinate and organise.
I know I can achieve my goal and a really positive outcome from my assignment.
I don’t know what I was expecting when I got to Cambodia. I remember thinking that I should try and reserve judgement and just go with the flow. But I must have had some expectations, because I was quite taken back when I understood just how far behind they were in many ways. I was particularly concerned about the level of understanding of democratic processes (kinda dumb now – considering I had read about the statistics on the rates of illiteracy and poverty) and this threw me. I had no idea how I was meant to develop the capacity of a community who didn’t really understand voting, let alone concepts like ‘sustainable community planning’.
But over the last few months working with MODE, talking to people and going out into the field I have come to understand the Khmer culture much better and also the issues that they face. I think I can structure a program that is effective and builds on existing social networks.
I don’t want to come to Cambodia for six months, mess about a little bit, and then head home. This would be unfulfilling. I have the opportunity to make a change for the better in the world and I intend to pursue it. My dad always told me ‘never to leave a job half done’ and I am not going to (if I can help it).
So I have decided to stay on Cambodia for at least the next nine months (probably a year). This means I have to quit my job back home. My safety net is gone. For the first time since I was thirteen I am technically unemployed. It feels liberating. I have the whole world before me.
This has also got me thinking about my future. It is possible to do good while being paid well. There is stacks of development work out there - so many opportunities to do good things, live in different countries, be challenged by new experience and also get paid. I am starting to think this might be a new career possibility for me – well for the next few years…
But enough ranting about saving the world.
This week has been quite busy. I have been furiously putting together a project proposal to sell my idea to my boss and other local NGOs who I want to get on board with my project.
Last night was a strange night in Kampong Thom. Hillsong came to town. There was a big Christian concert at the ‘stadium’ (read soccer field with a fence). Shin and I went down to check it out. On our approach we saw a shaft of white light beaming down from the clouds which made it look like god himself was endorsing the performance, shining on the performers. But I knew better – smoke and mirrors, smoke and mirrors. As we got close it was clear that everyone in Kampong Thom had turned up for the event. It was like Pearl Jam was in town (am I showing my age with comments like that?). People were all over the road. The traffic had come to a stand still (the stadium is on the main road) and a clearly frustrated Police man on rammed the crowd back with his lurching motorbike. Thankfully he missed me, but he took down a couple of other people nearby us. Along the road side there were little festival games lining the outside of the stadium wall; young guys trying to win stuffed bears and bed linen for their girlfriends by throwing darts at balloons. Shin and I had a go and won three packets of biscuits. What a booty! But we felt guilty and gave them to some hungry looking kids. I managed to sneak a peek into the stadium (I could see clearly over the crowd) and saw a dark sea of people before a lit up stage. Just at that moment they stopped the Khmer music, which had been beating constantly since we arrived, and some guy with an acoustic guitar started singing about god in English. The sea turned and fled. I was pushed back by all the Khmers existing the stadium. We decided to make a break too. Grabbed the moto and carefully negotiated our way out of the crowd, both of us amused by the sudden turn in the crowd and idle trucks. You can take a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.
The whole Christian evangelic movement is big here. It is hard to go anywhere without bumping into some middle class white person trying to sell their god. I don’t particularly have a problem with religion; I was a practicing Catholic until my mid-twenties and I would still consider myself Catholic. I believe strongly in spirituality and my spirituality is closely tied to Christian concepts. Love of god and love of neighbour – love yourself and love each other. But I think it is a real personal journey and I hate it when anyone tries to force any opinion or view on another person. Since I have been here I have found the acts of many ‘Christian’ organisations quite challenging. I find it deplorable that some organisations target extremely poor, marginalised and desperate people and make them pray before they will provide them with help. Another group offers free English lessons, but the lessons are all centred on their gospel. Both, in my mind are most uncharitable and unchristian.
It makes me wonder what they hope to achieve. Are they just trying to up their numbers? A starving person is going to say what they have to so they can be fed.
About a month ago I had the further displeasure of hearing an American guy do a reading at church service. Lainie and I had gone to a mass held by her organisation in Poipet (they are a Christian organisation). This guy, an accountant who had been working in Thailand, got up in front of a congregation of almost all Khmer people and told them not to be ‘distracted by education’. It made me feel sick. I wanted to head butt him. Here was a middle class guy with a university education who wandered into Cambodia for a few days telling a group of people, most of whom probably didn’t finish primary school, probably didn't eat that day and who are either desperately poor or bordering on it, that education was bad for them. Grr.
That is not to say all Christians are bad. Some groups genuinely want to help other people and do really positive things for the poor and the needy – establishing homeless shelters, food security etc...
So right, I have been ranting a little. Apologies. I am a passionate little soul.
This weekend, I might be going to stay out on a farm with a couple of guys from work and tomorrow I am heading out to a remote village for a field visit. Am looking forward to both, but I will make sure I will take the mosquito repellent. Apparently there is a bit of malaria floating around…just what I need after dengue. I am also avoiding chicken at the moment – I heard that a large group of chickens died unexpectedly near town and the farmer just sold them. Of course I found this out the day I had eaten chicken for lunch. If I get any ‘flu-like’ symptoms I am scoffing the Tamiflu. To bird flu. Erin says no.
On ward and upward - to the stars...
By-e.
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